TYPES OF IDEALIZATIONS

Idealizing means giving too much importance to an idea that is important to you about the world around you and the way your life is organized, and therefore giving in to negative emotions when real life does not reflect this model.

TYPES OF IDEALIZATIONS

DESTINY

• Life is too harsh on me, I don't deserve such suffering.

• The life of a loved one is undeservedly hard.

• I feel dissatisfied with my life, I am in the role of a victim.

• A contemptuous attitude towards people who have no purpose in changing their lives.

• I have some real talent and I begin to despise others who don't have it. (abilities)

• I feel that I have no abilities - I consider myself a failure, a useless person. (abilities)

INDEPENDENCE

• I can't stand being controlled or restricted in any way!

• I will never get along with authoritarian people!

• I get annoyed when I have to work according to instructions and coordinate my actions in advance!

• I get annoyed when I become dependent on other people and circumstances related to them.​

LIFESTYLE, RELATIONSHIPS

• I know a certain order of life, what are the components of relationships – trust, harmonious relationships, a pleasant appearance. When any of this begins to fail, I experience long-term negative experiences.

• A contemptuous attitude towards uneducated, simple, ordinary people.

• Condemnation towards people whose actions or attitudes you cannot explain with the help of ordinary logic.

• If I do something wrong, everyone will laugh at me!• Striving to always make the absolutely right decision.

• I can’t act like that, what will others say? (opinion)

• I can’t refuse anything to friends, relatives. I will not give them a reason to say or think bad things about me. (Opinion)

• Unwillingness to aggravate relations with loved ones, even though the situation requires it. (colleagues do not cope with their duties, do not raise painful topics in the family, etc.)

• Negative feelings when loved ones or unfamiliar people do not fulfill the obligations they have undertaken, deceive, betray or otherwise do not justify the expectations placed on them (Trust)

WORK,MONEY

• I consider my life a failure if I lack money (car, house).

• Disdainful attitude towards lazy people, unemployed people, poor people.

• I feel contempt, condemnation towards people who do not know how or do not want to earn money.​

BEAUTY

• You worry about whether you, your loved ones (partner, children, parents) are beautiful enough, or whether you meet accepted norms.

• You judge, judge other people for their appearance - unattractive, different from your views.

• You despise yourself for some physical flaws that you see in yourself all the time.

• You worry excessively about any imperfection in your appearance - weight, pumps, physical strength, etc. Controlling the world around you.

• Imposing your views on others and getting angry if these people do not listen and act in your own way.

• You cannot trust anyone with anything, you have to do everything yourself!• Constant fear or anxiety about your loved ones, their actions or life.

• Negative experiences when you are treated disrespectfully, your opinion, suggestions are not listened to, you are not taken into account.

When losing any idealization, a person feels anger, irritation, aggression, pain, experiences, stresses because he had put a lot into that process.

If a person had gone to the goal through love,

then when losing it - love remains.